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Expensive Annie: I like studying your recommendation, and boy, do I ever want some now! About 20 years in the past, my mother-in-law grew to become hooked on medication, each prescription and unlawful, as a option to take care of unresolved childhood trauma. Because of this, her marriage to my father-in-law fell aside, and, whereas not legally divorced, they have not spoken to one another in over a decade.
Throughout this time, she has bounced round from one residence to a different. It is typically the houses of different members of the family or mutual mates who all have reported the identical factor as soon as they kick her out: She steals and is at all times drunk or excessive.
Her personal mom begged us to take her in after we had been newlyweds 17 years in the past as a result of she was stealing all of her prescription medicine. Though we have mentioned this together with her a number of occasions, she blames all of her issues on her husband or her childhood and takes no accountability for her scenario.
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She has visited us a number of occasions a yr throughout our marriage, and we have been very clear with drawing boundaries about her conduct when she is round our kids. They love her, and till lately, we have at all times had very good, transient visits (besides when she stole painkillers from me after I gave delivery).
Her final go to, nonetheless, was the go to from hell. We ended up looking out her room for medication, and he or she ruined my daughter’s baptism — and utterly humiliated me in entrance of my mates from church — together with her drunken, drug-induced antics.
She has as soon as once more been requested to go away somebody’s home and is now staying “for a month or so” together with her sister, who we care deeply about and isn’t in good well being. I concern the stress of getting my mother-in-law dwelling together with her will additional trigger her sister’s well being to say no.
We need to assist her sister by discovering my mother-in-law some other place to dwell, however my husband and I are adamant that her dwelling with us can be detrimental to our children’ bodily, psychological and emotional well-being, to not point out tense on our marriage. My husband’s solely sibling, who has no youngsters, lives exterior the nation, and his spouse refuses to let her dwell with them. I perceive her refusal and don’t blame her for it.
So the query is, what do you do with an aged drug addict who has completely no cash (she blows each dime on medication) of her personal? Residing with us can be detrimental, however I am unable to dwell together with her being homeless on my conscience both.
Thanks for any recommendation you can provide. — Daughter-In-law on Drug Responsibility
Expensive Daughter-in-law on Drug Responsibility: Your mother-in-law may be very, very sick and desires assist. However neither you nor anybody in your loved ones is a educated skilled who may help her. So relieve your self of the burden of being on obligation, and search out assist recommendation from skilled therapy facilities. The place she must dwell shouldn’t be on the streets however in a rehabilitation middle till she cleans up and will get assist. I might additionally encourage you and your husband to attend Al-Anon conferences so that you could higher perceive the character of her illness.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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